In raising a whole-hearted, joyful, confident child, what are we as parents and teachers, saying and doing to support this.
Are you unconsciously shaming your children?
Do you know the difference between shame and guilt?
Can you separate the child from their behaviour? Can you talk about the behaviour without shaming the child… (this applies to all humans). I want to emphasize TALK and not SHOUT. Lets not shout.
Brené is a shame & vulnerability researcher and a teacher. See her TED Talk that went viral https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en
Can you be vulnerable and engage with your children on that level? Begin the journey to whole-heartedness, live with joy and love and belonging, and create that for your family!
This is also very relevant to self-talk, is it shame talk or guilt talk? It is possible to heal and reframe this self-talk, start with separating the behaviour form the child, and being explicit about how loved and safe and beautiful they are.
Don’t underestimate the power of conscious parenting and teaching.
In summary :
- SHAME – I AM bad – Focus on SELF (secrecy, silence & judgement)
- GUILT – I DID something bad – Focus on BEHAVIOUR
Douse shame with empathy, encourage talking, listen, be present.
“We need to understand how scarcity affects the way we lead and teach, we have to engage with vulnerability and we need to learn how to recognize and combat shame. What would it mean for our schools and classrooms if we showed up for tough, honest conversations about what it takes to bring our best, most authentic selves to work?
These conversations may sound risky and vulnerable, but risk and vulnerability are essential to courageous schools. A daring classroom is a place where both teachers and students commit to choosing courage over comfort, choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy and practicing values rather than professing them.”